What A Lovely Poncho

Since my breakout (still ongoing), I have hit a slightly earlier than planned mid-life crisis. Throwing dental, grey hair and thinning eyelash issues into the self-pity mix has, predictably, only served to make me more miserable. Whilst I am aware this is all very “me, me, me” and, as a rule, I avoid self obsession wherever possible, I do feel ever so slightly minging at the moment so am temporarily indulging my hormones until they settle and I return to my normal “oh, who cares” self.

Action was required so I spent an evening with my laptop and 21st Century Beauty Bible, opened to Page 70 - “Miracle Creams – Tried and Tested”. As I read through wondering which was the solution to my clogged pore prayers, “Hope in Jar” caught my eyelashless eye. Add to basket. Next, Page 90 – “Treats for Tired and Puffy Eyes”. Two hours later, my basket overfloweth.

Now I had money issues and needed an investor for my cause. Five minutes later, I’d struck a mutually beneficial deal with Accountant as I reminded him Valentine’s Day was looming and I could take all the hassle out of it for him with one simple click on “Confirm Order”.

I now await delivery of my new glowing, fine line reduced and totally transformed skin. In the meantime, I’ve been using Chickie’s eczema cream and plastering on Sudocrem at night. It transpires that, smelling like a child’s bottom is an excellent man deterrent.

Anyway, back to ‘me, me, me’. Now the face was in the bag, energies were turned to wardrobe recruitment as there were vacancies that needed to be filled. Not one to jump into anything spontaneously, I decided research should be conducted to identify the correct garments for my floor crawling, stain inviting, snot wiping lifestyle. As I imagined myself wearing a giant all purpose wet wipe as a poncho, I realised practical wasn’t going to get me anywhere. I decided to worry about it another day as I was all ‘me’d’ out.