A Pint Sized Predator

I’m a reformed mummy. Up at 7.45am, showered, dressed badly, and ready to sample the delights that The Flying Fortress Family Fun Centre had to offer. Chickie was in hot pursuit and we were both sat on the doorstep, waiting for our ride at 9.30am.

We were some of the first mummies there which made me feel even more virtuous. It also made me think that perhaps I wasn’t the only one who would really rather be surgically attached to her duvet on this grey, drizzly day instead of stood in an aircraft hanger.

Poff and Chickie were unleashed to do their worst. They clambered, slid, bounced, rocked and even got a mangling. LucyWucy was also fed through the giant mangler to see if it flattened out 'mummy tummy' but, unfortunately, she just got wedged between the rollers.

Slowly, other children tottered in. One took a shine to Poff which presented Wuce with a dilemma that all parents face at one time or another. How polite was she willing to be in order to let someone else's child grasp the concept of “gentleness”?

Poff stood very, very still as Lola demonstrated her full range of karate moves under her nose. Lola’s mum, Wuce, Chickie and I all watched with anticipation to see if Lola could be trusted. Poff was less anticipatory, more worried.

Poff was right to be concerned as Blackbelt Lola took her bow, yelled "HI - YA" and promptly bopped her around the head. All Lola’s mum said was, “No, gentle”. Victim looked from mother back to attacker. She was scared attacker was about to strike again, disappointed with attacker's mummy for her casual attitude and waiting for her own mummy to take bad baby out. Victim’s mother’s instincts were to grab the Poff and run but she didn't want to appear rude. An awkward situation. Eventually, Lola was carried off loudly, unwilling to accept that slapping and biting smaller children was anything other than shrewd use of her clear size advantage and advanced motor skills.

Once Poff manually inspected every square baby foot of aircraft hanger to make sure Lola really had left, the fun resumed. They sang and played triangles, kazoo’s, tambourines and clappy hands. They had a great time and, of course, I left feeling guilty that I didn’t do this more often and vowing to do more activities.