What Goes In MUST Come Out - Surely?

Without wishing to sound harsh, I have noticed that babies offer few practical features. As Chickie is also male, I don’t see that situation changing in the foreseeable future. However, at the very least, you should be able to rely on your baby to provide the following functions:

Be Cute; Sleep; Cry; Eat; Poop

Chickie’s got the first three down but we do seem to be having a spot of bother with the basic principle of food in, food out.

On the ‘Food In’ side, I made a rookie mistake today. Experienced sprog owners will read this shaking their heads. I let Chickie feed himself a sardine sandwich. Yes, I really was that stupid.

Fishy hair, fishy hands, fishy eyebrows, fishy highchair, fishy jumper, fishy table next to highchair, fishy floor. In my defence, Omega 3 is essential to keep Chickie’s hair manageable, his fingernails strong and his skin glowing.

One very bubbly bath followed coupled with some rigorous scrubbing. His earlier than scheduled dunking was actually well timed as we had an appointment at the doctors for ‘Food Out’ issues. I wanted him to look as healthy and well maintained as possible in the hope his sweet baby smell and freshly fluffed hair would distract the doctor from the now yellowing bruise on his face.

The doctor prodded Chick’s belly and confirmed there was such an impressive backlog that he currently consisted of 1% baby and 99% poop. All hope now hinges on increased doses of lactulose to release the captive and ease the passage of future detainees.

I had hoped Chickie would be at least thirteen years old before I was told by a medical professional that he had behavioural problems. I’m not sure how I managed to mess up my child so early on but congratulations to me, I thought it would take me at least ten years.