The Lazy Housewife Award Goes To...

I had to double-check my watch this morning through my swollen eyelids. It couldn’t possibly say 10.15am, surely? I decided it couldn’t and would recheck by the much bigger clock in the kitchen downstairs after turning off the 2ft alarm clock belatedly going off in the nursery.

A blurry Chickie stood at the bars, noisily awaiting ‘The Help’. His critical sleepy gaze speaking volumes - “Do you have any idea what time it is? How could you have let this happen? It clearly states on the packaging that these nappies are good for 12 hours. That’s 12, not 15! I’ve got nappy rash up to my armpits. What’ve you got to say for yourself – well? I explained to Chickie that it was actually his fault as he was Head Waker Upper and definately, not the other way round.

By the time we got to the kitchen, my vision was returning and the little hand on the clock was on the 10, the big one on the 30. I swear Chickie tutted. It may be time to try and reset my body clock which seems to have turned itself back fifteen years and sucked Chickie into it's slobby clutches. To be fair, we had no reason to be up early but it did feel a bit naughty to be languishing in bed when other mummy/baby duos everywhere were doing something productive together.

We then visited our buddies where I used to work and where Chickie did most of his incubating. Thinking back, it may have been the tropical temperature of my old office that contributed to his 91st percentile entry weight.

Dynabum and I had a “Wobbly Tum Tum” competition. It was close, but as we sat side by side on the floor, tops tucked into our bras, I had a clear roll advantage and was declared winner. Apparently the excuse of having had a baby 15 months ago no longer washed and a disapproving Smiler told me I should have addressed it long ago with something called 'exercise' (that's him).

A quick trip to Sainsbunny’s followed. I managed to pick the aisle with the Comedy Checkout Lady who tried to sell my nappy bags to the eighty year old gentleman in front of me. Once she realised her mistake she loudly joked about why he would ever want to purchase nappy bags. I could think of a reason and, from his little red face, I think he could too.