A 'Poxy' Birthday

In order to fall asleep, I require up to an hour of complete silence. Once I’m in the dozey zone, the smallest sound can send me straight back to the start of my sleepy cycle.

Sleeping next to Grunty McSnorealot is not helping. All Accountant requires for a luscious night’s sleep is his beloved eyemask, a pair of earplugs and two seconds ‘down’ time before the heavy breathing begins. I suggested his earplugs might be more effective wedged up each nostril. Whilst in helpful mode, I also recommended a third orifice that would benefit from the insertion of a plug.

Each night when Accountant breaches my “No Noise” Policy, I employ a number of techniques to ease his snorting discomfort. These include, but are not limited to, slapping, punching, kicking, nose holding and smothering. It made me wonder whether separate beds after two years of marriage are really that bad? Better yet, separate rooms? It worked for my Nan and Grandad.

Friday coffee morning today and we were all in attendance. This is my first outing since being a Page 3 Girl in the local paper. My Brother-in-Law kindly pointed out that I had “two very small obstacles” to qualifying as a Page 3 Girl! People were obviously too polite to approach me with their autograph requests and I managed to get to the café without any hassle. Upon arrival, I was disappointed to find an elderly couple sat at my 'usual' table enjoying their toasted teacakes. I subtly let them know they were sat at the 'Celebrity' table by handing them my card, “Hypochondriac – Pullitzer Prize Winning Blogger” but they didn't move. The four of us sat squeezed around a two seater table whilst Chickie played “Grab'a'cino”.

Chickie and I then went to our first Nativity Play. Youngest Nephew was the Narrator and I could tell he was excited to see his baby cousin in the audience, especially when he turned to his Co-Narrator to point Chickie out. I stupidly selected a seat which was right in the glare of the spotlight. Chickie heated up beautifully over the course of the never-ending production and was pleased to leave with a slight tan.

It's my friend Jules' birthday today. She had a whole host of activities planned to celebrate and was looking forward to getting her presents. Anyone with children knows that "looking forward" to anything is a risky strategy, likely to disappoint.

The present from her little girl was a gift that just keeps on giving. A lovely case of chicken pox. Happy Birthday to Mummy, Happy Birthday to Mummy......