21 December 2006

DJ Chickie in the House

Why haven’t I learnt that every time I get up late and venture downstairs looking like Nora Batty, someone is always guaranteed to turn up and catch me in all my slobby glory?

This morning found me face to unwashed face with a SWAT team of window cleaners. There I stood, greasy hair scraped back wearing my still stained dressing gown and spotty fluffy slippers. I endured the usual chit chat about the weather, once again, hiding my deep shame at being caught in yet another state of disgrace.

I still carry with me the utter embarrassment of when I was heavily pregnant and woke to hear strange noises coming from the nursery. I wandered into the room wearing only my knickers to find one of the window cleaners staring back at me through the sparkling clean glass. The poor boy almost dropped his squeegee. I shrieked and ran back into the bedroom where I saw the rattling top half of a ladder up against the window. I then went into a state of utter panic and found myself desperately trying to seek refuge in a room where there wasn’t an 18 year old boy peering back in. As there was so many of them, I ended up in the bathroom frantically trying to let down the blind before the next one got up the ladder and saw my flesh coloured elephant size silhouette through the frosted glass. Unfortunately, I can’t remember which one of them got the full frontal so tend to avoid eye contact with all of them as a precaution.

Chickie had no such issues as he scrutinized one of them through the French doors, up on all fours like a little pitbull. The window cleaner tried to act casual but think he found being eyeballed by an unblinking one year old slightly unnerving.

Once the window cleaners had left, Chickie’s attention went back to ‘toy of the moment’, the stereo, as he resumed his post as Resident MC. Turn on, boogie, turn off. Turn on, boogie, work it, work it, Turn off.

It’s newspaper day once again. To all of those who mocked me, namely Sister, Glam-Nan, Snowy, Brother-in-Law and Accountant (yes, all family!) I am back and I’m bigger than you’ve ever seen me before and not just because I've stuffed my face with chocolate all week. I also feature not one, not two but THREE times. Framed signed copies of celebrity family members in the local paper make a thoughtful Christmas gift don't you think?

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