29 December 2006

Chickie Throws a Sickie

It’s definite, the After Eights were a mistake and reappeared last night, ironically, after 8pm. The vomiting prompted a full Chick strip to check for rashes and assess vital signs. A slight rash was present so I did the glass test. I couldn’t really decide whether it was blanching or not so checked him under every available lightbulb. The coldness of the glassware and blinding floodlights left Chickie deeply unimpressed with the level of care received from his healthcare providers and reaching for the BUPA application form.

I was 99% sure he was fine but decided he should be brought downstairs for monitoring. Within ten minutes, Chickie was sat grinning on the sofa, watching Planes, Trains and Automobiles. He was sent back to bed as we’d been played for fools long enough.

I got on the scales this morning to find myself three pounds heavier. I consoled myself by eating a Chocolate Orange. I don’t normally buy anything containing sugar as I know I can’t be trusted. However, if it’s forced upon me, I apply my favourite logic which allows me to stuff my face, the quicker the better, so that I am then free to start my diet knowing the cupboards are bare of temptation.

Accountant suggested a walk this afternoon so I reluctantly removed my new slipper socks that have been permanently attached to my pads for three days and put on some proper shoes. We went into town so I could return 70% of the presents Accountant bought me, although nothing came close to the dog coasters of 2004.

I’ve felt some rare pangs of affection for Accountant today. He’s done housework, ironed sixteen shirts, fed a regurgitating Chickie and made me many cups of tea. To show my appreciation, I may just allow him five minutes snoring tonight before I wedge my fingers up his nostrils like a bowling ball.

Whilst in town, I debated to myself how bad it would be to spend Chickie’s Christmas spends on myself as he was only one and would never know. I decided I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye again without feeling guilty so bought him some vests with chicks on them instead. I anticipate him looking super gorgeous in them.

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