Sunday's Child is Full of Grace, Monday's Child Eats Coal From the Grate

An unremorseful Chickie smirked back from the naughty step which premiered this afternoon. “Say sorry Chickie”.

“No!”

“You can stay on the step then until you say sorry for being naughty”

“No!”

Sensing that Chickie wasn’t going to break easily, I wondered how this battle of wills was going to end.

“Mummy?”

“Say you’re sorry and you can come off the step and have your “minky” (cutesification of ‘milk’)

“No!”

A child as stubborn as his father. A mother bored with hovering by the bottom step feigning indifference.

Remembering the advice of the collective child rearing experts I used to love watching on telly as they broke up brawls and intercepted slanging matches between parents and their toddlers, I bent down to Chickie’s level, looked him straight in the eye and tried again.

“Chickie. Eating coal is naughty which is why you’re on the step. Say sorry to mummy for being naughty”.

“No!”

A brief pause….

“Mummy?

“Yes Chickie”. Excellent, I thought as I awaited his apology.

“Cuggle”

Damn it. He’d pulled the cuggle card. Resist the cuteness, must resist the cuteness “No Chickie. Say sorry”.

“Cuggle?”

This wasn’t going at all well and Chickie had been on the step for a good five minutes in clear breach of Super Nanny’s “one minute for every year of their age” rule.

As I deliberated my next move, Chickie took the opportunity to lean over and squish his nose up against mine, his eyes wide with mischief as he formed his mouth into the letter “O” and started going “OOOOooooohhhhhhh”, collapsing into fits of giggles before “OOOOOOOOOOOohhhhhhhhhhhhing” some more.

Feeling this moment could make or break my first serious attempt at getting Chickie to take responsibility for his naughtiness, I tried my very best to look stern. “OOOOOOOOHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” said Chickie again followed by more giggling.

I couldn’t do it. It was like trying to put a fruit pastille in my mouth without chewing it. We sat nose to nose, Chickie on his ‘naughty step’, me on all fours, laughing at mummy’s pathetic attempts to discipline her child.

Round One to Chickie.