I Warn You Now, This May Be Nauseating

I’m not great at mush, as you’ve probably noticed. I struggle to write heartfelt sentiments without sounding like the hormonally imbalanced woman that I am. However, I wouldn’t be doing motherhood justice if I didn’t, once in a while, throw the Evening Primrose Oil to one side and have a good old slush session. So here it is.

Looking down at my little boy as he slept, his chubby little hand still clutching his new red car, my heart welled with a bittersweet mixture of love and wistfulness.

Every night I go in and see him and stroke his fluffy hair as he snores gently, unaware that I’m there. Every night I’m amazed at just how beautiful he is, how we managed to make something as perfect as him. One more day of his childhood has come and gone, a day he won’t even remember but I always will.

The other evening, I was looking through albums, seeing the little boy we know now in the pudgy face of a then tiny stranger. We didn’t know how he’d spend endless hours playing with his little cars, how he’d love getting up to mischief with his naughty cousins, how thrilled he’d be to see his daddy when he came home from work, running down the hallway to administer 'cuggles'.

Neither did I know just how proud my husband would be of the little man who idolises him. A husband who has embraced fatherhood with gentleness and devotion.

A child changes everything. They change your circumstances, they change your relationships and they change who you are. They deserve the best that we have to give them so we keep trying, to nuture their innocence and protect their childhood, knowing that every night is a night closer to losing both forever.

To my boys - love you xxx