Warning - This Isn't Pleasant

Chickie’s got a mohican. Glam-Nan thought she’d style it in readiness for his day out claiming it enhanced cuteness levels. Whilst she says she used authentic wax based hair product, I couldn’t help but think there was a strong chance he’d styled it himself using the abundant supply of gooey slime currently being manufactured by his over-productive nostrils. Whilst appreciating the extra volume added a cheeky ‘Chick about Town’ quality, I did wonder at what age spiking your tots hair crosses from chav to fab.

Chickie had stayed over at Glam-Nan and Snowy’s, giving them the fun job of peeling him off his sheet in the morning and scraping the crusted goop from his cheeks, hands and hair. A child's capacity to churn out vile and unsavoury substances on a daily basis never fails to amaze me but not more so than my ability to handle them without the protection of surgical gloves and goggles. The sight that greeted me two mornings ago, I could never have imagined. A snuffly Chickie having been slimed by his own nostrils during the night. A bath was considered essential coupled with vigorous exfoliation from the shoulders up. A wire brush would have been my exfoliator of choice but apparently considered bad form.

On a positive note, a fun, new mucous based game has been devised by Glam-Nan. It’s called Snot Winders. All you need for minutes of family fun is 1 sheet of kitchen roll and 1 snottie tottie.

Instructions:
Roll kitchen roll into a cigar shape. Place tot in a highchair facing away from you. Place kitchen roll cigar under snotty nostril ensuring snot adheres to cigar. Roll kitchen roll continously until nostril runs dry. Repeat for remaining nostril.

Gross? Try it and you’ll discover there are few things in life as gratifying as winding 10 metres of green stuff out of your child’s nose.