Contented Little Baby
Following years of intensive research, I’ve devised a recipe which, whenever Chickie is scheduled for public display, I whip out and follow precisely to improve my chances of presenting a happy, well-balanced show bambini.Be warned though, if any of the quantities are altered in anyway, it can become a Recipe for Disaster.
That’s why I was less than pleased when Chickie spent the thirty minutes he should have been power napping, vigorously protesting on his bedroom floor. An hour later, a red eyed Chickie was scraped off the carpet and bundled into the car ready for delivery to his friend’s house.
Recipe for A Contented Toddler – Guidelines Only
That’s why I was less than pleased when Chickie spent the thirty minutes he should have been power napping, vigorously protesting on his bedroom floor. An hour later, a red eyed Chickie was scraped off the carpet and bundled into the car ready for delivery to his friend’s house.
Recipe for A Contented Toddler – Guidelines Only
Makes 1 Portion
Ingredients1 toddler (wash before use)
1 full tummy containing 2 pieces of honey on toast (crusts removed)
1 full tummy containing 2 pieces of honey on toast (crusts removed)
1 punnet of red grapes (cut in half)
4 mild cheddar sandwiches,
1 portion of Spaghetti Bolognese
Plenty of fluids
1 poo
12 hours of high impact activity to include 30 minutes trampolining, 40 minute brisk walk, 1 hour tantrum, 20 minutes water play, 1 hour cycle ride, 30 minutes arts and crafts, 1 hour digging, 7 hours debating
30 minute power nap at 11am
5ml Calpol (if teething, windy, snotty)
1 threat of ‘if you show me up, your Batman gets it.’
1 promise of ‘if you’re a good boy, you can bounce on daddy when he gets home from work’1 knackered mummy
Plenty of fluids
1 poo
12 hours of high impact activity to include 30 minutes trampolining, 40 minute brisk walk, 1 hour tantrum, 20 minutes water play, 1 hour cycle ride, 30 minutes arts and crafts, 1 hour digging, 7 hours debating
30 minute power nap at 11am
5ml Calpol (if teething, windy, snotty)
1 threat of ‘if you show me up, your Batman gets it.’
1 promise of ‘if you’re a good boy, you can bounce on daddy when he gets home from work’1 knackered mummy
TIP: AVOID carbohydrates
Instructions: Approach arrival at any play date much like you would Airport Customs.
1. Nothing To Declare.
Toddler has followed the recipe to the letter and smug mummy can sit back and relax whilst eating all her hostess’ chocolate fingers, safe in the knowledge that poppet is good to go. Satisfaction levels will be further enhanced if other toddlers in attendance haven’t followed the recipe and their misbehaviour then highlights your child in an even more favourable light.
2. Declaration on Arrival.
You admit failure to get toddler to follow recipe, which you blame on factors outside of your control such as tiredness, colds, immunisation (delete as applicable). However, you’re absolved from any judgment as you were humble enough to declare that you got it horribly wrong. Toddler can’t be disapproved of for assaulting and battering others, as they’ve now got a bona fide pre-existing excuse. Mummy still allowed chocolate fingers.
You admit failure to get toddler to follow recipe, which you blame on factors outside of your control such as tiredness, colds, immunisation (delete as applicable). However, you’re absolved from any judgment as you were humble enough to declare that you got it horribly wrong. Toddler can’t be disapproved of for assaulting and battering others, as they’ve now got a bona fide pre-existing excuse. Mummy still allowed chocolate fingers.
3. Smuggling.
Only for the bravest of mummies. You and poppet both know that the recipe has been breached but mummy keeps quiet, unleashing her child, in the hope that their increased adrenaline levels will see them through. A risky strategy that can end gloriously or hideously. Mummy only allowed chocolate fingers in the event of happy ending.
Only for the bravest of mummies. You and poppet both know that the recipe has been breached but mummy keeps quiet, unleashing her child, in the hope that their increased adrenaline levels will see them through. A risky strategy that can end gloriously or hideously. Mummy only allowed chocolate fingers in the event of happy ending.
Being a wuss, I went for Option Two and, before my friend could even ask how we were, she had the full low down on Chickie’s naplessness. Free of all responsibility, I toddled off to find those choccie fingers.
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