Break Away
Stuck in a 12 mile traffic jam, somewhere on the A30, east of Cornwall, two sets of parents, in two separate cars, were experiencing two very different starts to their short ‘break’ away.In the precision packed Vauxhall Estate, an impeccably coiffed 3 year old girl was perusing her mobile library, contemplating whether “Cornwall: Leisure Walks for All Ages” or “Truro and Falmouth – Roseland Peninsula” would be stimulating enough to amuse her for the rest of the journey.
In the VW hatchback behind, it was hard to tell just how many people were in the car thanks to Accountant’s ‘ram and squish’ packing policy. Despite the limited amount of air pockets available, the smallest, yet most audible, passenger was selfishly gulping up all the oxygen as his initial grumblings developed into howls of general outrage.
By mile 11, the little girl put down her book which she’d found to be a thoroughly informative read. She couldn’t wait to tell Mummy about the route she’d planned for the family hike but she’d wait until Mummy finished her nap.
In the other car, Accountant and I were enjoying an in impromptu game of dodge ball as Chickie launched his toy collection at us. Although I knew that hitchhiking was illegal, I was keeping an eye out for a lay by, imagining myself leaping out of the passenger side of the car ‘fugitive’ style, rolling down a side embankment before coming to a neat stop outside a health spa.
Unfortunately, I was scuppered by the child lock and arrived watery eyed, avec dependants, for our relaxing seaside break. Chickie, indisposed to alterations to his established routine, repaid our kindness of allowing him to remain in the car despite my suggestion of giving him some “time out” on the roof rack, by going on sleep and hunger strike for the rest of the week. Every night he would appear in the darkness at 2am, before circling me twice and curling up on my head.
Then came the conjunctivitis. Two more outlets to add to his ‘oozing illuminous yellow goo’ list. Eye drop administration proved a two man job and could take anywhere from 15 minutes to a whole morning. Accountant was employed as resident heavy, instructed to sit on all flailing bits whilst I jimmied his eyes open.
By the end of the week, tired and withdrawn, we presented the “Best in Show” Award for the third year running, to his little girlfriend who had outperformed in every category. Compliance, Attitude, Slumber, Sanitation & Hygiene, Regularity & Ease of Bowel Movements, Consumption, Vocabulary, Critical Reasoning, Congeniality and General Well Being.
As she took her lap of honour, hindered slightly by her covering of red rosettes, Chickie was too busy to care as he took to peeling off the sellotape now covering all the plug sockets after his foiled attempt to stick a key into one earlier in the week.
In the VW hatchback behind, it was hard to tell just how many people were in the car thanks to Accountant’s ‘ram and squish’ packing policy. Despite the limited amount of air pockets available, the smallest, yet most audible, passenger was selfishly gulping up all the oxygen as his initial grumblings developed into howls of general outrage.
By mile 11, the little girl put down her book which she’d found to be a thoroughly informative read. She couldn’t wait to tell Mummy about the route she’d planned for the family hike but she’d wait until Mummy finished her nap.
In the other car, Accountant and I were enjoying an in impromptu game of dodge ball as Chickie launched his toy collection at us. Although I knew that hitchhiking was illegal, I was keeping an eye out for a lay by, imagining myself leaping out of the passenger side of the car ‘fugitive’ style, rolling down a side embankment before coming to a neat stop outside a health spa.
Unfortunately, I was scuppered by the child lock and arrived watery eyed, avec dependants, for our relaxing seaside break. Chickie, indisposed to alterations to his established routine, repaid our kindness of allowing him to remain in the car despite my suggestion of giving him some “time out” on the roof rack, by going on sleep and hunger strike for the rest of the week. Every night he would appear in the darkness at 2am, before circling me twice and curling up on my head.
Then came the conjunctivitis. Two more outlets to add to his ‘oozing illuminous yellow goo’ list. Eye drop administration proved a two man job and could take anywhere from 15 minutes to a whole morning. Accountant was employed as resident heavy, instructed to sit on all flailing bits whilst I jimmied his eyes open.
By the end of the week, tired and withdrawn, we presented the “Best in Show” Award for the third year running, to his little girlfriend who had outperformed in every category. Compliance, Attitude, Slumber, Sanitation & Hygiene, Regularity & Ease of Bowel Movements, Consumption, Vocabulary, Critical Reasoning, Congeniality and General Well Being.
As she took her lap of honour, hindered slightly by her covering of red rosettes, Chickie was too busy to care as he took to peeling off the sellotape now covering all the plug sockets after his foiled attempt to stick a key into one earlier in the week.
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