19 February 2009

Les Miserables

It was a day that had started early and hysterically. I could see my heart thumping through my winceyette pyjamas after picking up the phone to my sister’s frantic ramblings.

“Liz?” she gasped breathlessly. My heart stopped altogether as I imagined what could be coming. Dad better not have clambered onto that glass conservatory roof again? I’d kill him myself. Surely, after the telling off I’d given him, he could be left under no illusion about his physical limitations? What about mum?

“What is it? WHAT? WHAT!?!” I shrieked, pulling the phone away from my ear, scared of her answer.

“I’VE WON, I’VE WON!” she yelped.“WHAT?” Dad’s alive? You’ve won? Mum’s okay? Oh thank you God, thank you!” I kissed the phone.
“I’ve won!” she re-emphasised, clearly displeased with my lack of enthusiasm and trying to refocus me on her achievement.
“You’ve won what?”
“That Theatre Trip Competition I entered” she replied.

I couldn’t actually believe that she was surprised as she’d entered over 200 times, in a variety of voices using different names and addresses and even made her children ring on her behalf as she didn’t want to appear “pathetic” (think that ship might have sailed). Her phone bill probably cost more than the theatre trip itself.

“Congratulations” I managed, releasing my grip on the bedside cabinet, and slowly sinking on shaking legs, towards the bed.

My sister loves theatre trips and every family member has fallen foul of one of her “special theatre trip gifts” at some point or other. She’s so extremely thoughtful that she even buys a ticket for herself to ensure you don’t have to worry about who to take. The fact that no one else in the family actually likes the theatre doesn’t phase her at all.

My Brother-in-Law bravely raised this with her after enduring a gruelling three hour production of “Blood Brothers” – his birthday present. She was apparently “stunned” by the revelation that her husband of ten years didn’t like the theatre and surely no one would think she would purchase gifts for others that she secretly wanted for herself?

After buying her a bikini trimmer last Christmas, he knew he was on shaky ground so it fell to me to let her know that her husband wasn’t the only relative that didn’t like watching over-dramatic performances of ridiculously smiley people randomly bursting into song and prancing around for no reason.

My sister was agog – how could I, a blood relative, not appreciate the performing arts?

“I really prefer the cinema” I whispered, unable to meet her glowering eyes.

It would seem that was irrelevant as my birthday envelope was placed in my hands.

“A trip for two to see Chicago” I smiled through the pain. “How wonderful!”

My Brother-in-Law smirked at me from behind my sister’s back as she produced her own envelope containing our coach tickets and her ticket for the seat next to mine.

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