20 January 2007

Reduced To Tears ... By A Baby

Deep breath. Gain perspective. Oh, who cares, just cry like the big girl you are.

Chickie had buzzed around me like a bluebottle for hours. As swatting wasn’t an option, I was forced to say “No” 1,598 times, each to no effect whatsoever. He turned the laptop off, repeatedly bashed the keyboard whilst pretending to be roaming the neighbourhood on cuddle business, snapped the front cover off the telly twice and threw his nice dry clothes into the bath.

I considered turning myself on the mercy of the elements again just to get out of the house but his tea time was looming. It didn’t disappoint. He spat each and every mouthful back out onto his lap and the floor. I just hope that he managed to absorb some nutrients for the brief second they were permitted to rest on his tongue. Tea time ended abruptly as I could take no more so Chickie turned his flair for anarchy to screaming about his bum.

As I picked his lovingly prepared food off of the floor for the 12th time since Monday and listened to him straining in the other room, my feeling of exasperation was so overwhelming, I sobbed. I knew I shouldn’t as other people have far worse things to deal with but I couldn’t help it. I knew this was just the start of a long journey of self doubt, worry, frustration and guilt.

“Why won’t he just chew food and swallow it? Why won’t he poop? Why won’t he listen to me? “What am I doing wrong? Where are the damn instructions?”

I just want good things for my baby and I have it on good medical authority that eating and pooping are in the Top 10.

Hours later, the perspective that I couldn’t see for tears earlier dawned. Whilst I know worry and frustration are now my constant companions, not a day passes where I don’t feel complete joy and amazement at being blessed with such a beautiful son. So, more food will be cooked for him to spit on the floor in the hope that some goodness will penetrate a tastebud, “No” will ring out a trillion more times if it means keeping him safe from harm and I'll try my very best to laugh at all the other stuff in between.

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